Grades, deadlines, emotions and more.

Two and a half months of college flew by and I am still stuck at boot-camp mode. Yes, I am exaggerating and yes, I wish boot-camp was back.

Over the past two months, I have managed to lose touch with almost all my friends, piss off my relatives, abandon my Kindle, put a stop on my blogging, ignore Modern Family and got into endless fights with my boyfriend.

Time is short and life is even shorter. The motto of my college is “Live here.” Literally. I don’t know when was the last time we haven’t been in the campus for less than 12 hours, sometimes even more. And when we’re not there, we’re in our rooms, ferociously typing away, meeting deadlines. Time has never been more precious and more scarce.

"The clock is ticking"
“The clock is ticking”

But, I am still not complaining. Yet. Today morning brought forth the dreaded ‘mid-semester’ review and it suddenly dawned on all of us that two and a half months in IIJNM is done! We made it so far and how!

People all around me are packing their bags and the hostel, always bustling with activity, feels empty. It is like a blanket of silence has embraced the entire place. And suddenly I am alone in my room, my roommates gone leaving me deep in thoughts.

I have always found heartfelt writing exhausting. Anything that involves my past experiences is difficult for me to pen down which is probably why I prefer posting stories and poems rather than rants or deep philosophical non-fiction blog posts like these. But sometimes, it cannot be avoided. Like today.

Today I want to let out how difficult it is put my heart into words. No, I am not drunk and I am certainly not sleepy. And this post wasn’t planned and probably will not even reach too many people. But I want to let out. Tonight.

Over a month ago, our Magazine teacher asked each student of our class to write a piece of personal history. While the assignment seemed innocent and pretty straightforward, it was an entirely different thing to put it all in writing.

If I had thought this was difficult, I was proven wrong when last week I had to write an obituary for someone I was attached to.

I have never given death much a thought. It used to be just an event for me. Until I actually began pondering on life. Now death is another chapter, a friend I can’t afford to have yet can’t choose to not be friends with.

I am stuck and so are you.


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